Everyone has favorites in the entertainment industry; some prefer a certain genre, others a style, others an actor and still others prefer certain writers. I'm not ashamed to say I'm a bit of a fangirl for at least one in each category I listed. But certainly I remain most steadfastly devoted to a certain writer. His works are intelligent and witty and meaningful and extremely entertaining. (Lest anyone think I'm a party pooper who only enjoys a show with "strong [add your own religion here] morals.) His creations are pure enjoyment.
But those things that I'm drawn to - I'll get to those in a second - what exactly is it that I'm drawn to?
Superheroes. Fantasy. Sci-fi.
Escapism seems too easy an answer.
Is it a wish that I could be those people with those skills? Is it a wish to live in a different, perhaps better or more interesting world? Are monsters and fairytales and superheroes only for people with tragic or dull lives who wish they could be more? Is it the whole or the parts that I'm interested in?
With Buffy, I wish I had the power, the strength, the knowledge, the backup and yes, a bit of the slayer and/or witch cool factor. Would that make me feel better about myself? Could I prove myself to others then? Or is about proving myself to me?
With BSG, I wish I had the fire, the passion, the knowledge, the adaptability, and the strength of character. I think I have the fire; sometimes at times when I can't use it to better my situation. I've had the passion; it comes and goes. It's hard to say how much meds dull my sensations of thrill and passion. I can get giddy and excited but I can't remember the last time passion overwhelmed me. A hazard of taking meds, I suppose.
With Dollhouse, I wish I had the adaptability, the insane brain and body power, the street sense and the knack for knowing when to pull out which trick and how to adapt so easily.
With Doctor Who, I wish I had the wit and wisdom and the get up and go. I have the desire to learn and explore but too many real and imagined things hold me back too often.
You know, this is just a draft of an idea that I had in passing. But even this draft doesn't need me to spell out the things I feel I'm lacking in my life or the attributes I wish I had.
I think learning to discover my true talents and testing those limits, both in quantity and expertise, is what I need. If I can find my inner sci-fi superheroine, and accept her limitations in the real world, then I think I'll be one small step towards figuring out myself, my place and my gifts.
If, no when, I do this.....well I should be a little bit better of a person. For I knew all along that you must look inside and not outside. I just have to claw my way back in.
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